Following Your Feet; the art of living for now.
How many times does it take for a bird to fall, before it learns to fly? How does a tree grow it's leaves? How often will I sit here and think, what now?
Well, this time, like last time and the time before, I have begun again. Each time I was sure I would give up, but passions prove difficult to shake off. So what makes this time different? This time I have burnt the rule book. This time I have ripped up all the plans and decided, 'fuck it, I am gonna do what I wanna do and just hope for the best'.
Seriously, that's my plan. To just meander (well, rather than meander more like bulldoze) through the next few months, flinging myself at anything I enjoy or love and just hoping damn well that something sticks.
I was on my porch in Australia not long ago (finishing off my 'gap yarr') and began discussing the human condition in comparison to animals with the housemates. And then we realised, it was just that. Comparison. We constantly compare, which is perhaps both our strength and our downfall as a species. You can always be smarter, prettier, wealthier, fitter than you currently are. You can always do better.
The grass is always greener, shoulda woulda coulda, hindsight, regret, there's always next time. These are all comparative notions that propel us forward, until they begin to hold us back. They held me back. They held me back when I compared myself to the kids in my class who could play piano better than me. I compared myself to the girl with straight teeth and bigger boobs. I compared myself to myself when I quit music and couldn't play guitar like I used to.
Fuck comparison, fuck the future or the past. I am here, right now. You, are here, right now.
I can't keep planning my life meticulously, living in constant anxiety of what may or may not be if I don't constantly have complete control. Will I fail? Maybe. Will I need to go back to working in retail? I fucking hope not. Will I be good enough? I am only ever as good as I am. Will I ever 'succeed'? Well, what the hell is success anyway?
So, I made my decision, I quit my job, I packed my bags and now I am embarking on the winding journey of living in the moment.
Let me know what you think. Am I the only one who drives myself crazy planning but never executing? Feeling overwhelmed by the road ahead? How do you handle it? Leave a comment down below, I would love to hear your opinion.
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